Uno Tales
by Mogami Kumagawa
Summary: A redundant story. Loved by some, dreaded by others, the mythical game of Uno makes itself present in the Service Club. How will they cope with the traumatic... Ahem, amazing and unique experience of playing such a legendary game with one another. And some extra freeloaders of course! [One-shot]


The world was finally at peace. This week at the service club has been hellish to me. Being who I am, socialization should be out of question; yet somehow club activities managed to keep me from following that rule.

It's all Zaimokuza's fault, so screw that guy.

"Hikigaya-kun" a voice took me out of my thoughts. I raised my gaze from my newly acquired light novel that my cute little sister bought for me yesterday, and I was received by none other than the Ice Queen herself, who seems to have returned from wherever she went off to. I noticed some wet strands of hair near to her ears, so probably she went to the restroom.

And no, it's not like I was appreciating her features or anything, but I was searching for any indication of her intentions.

"Yeah?" I hesitated for a second since I had no idea what she wanted. Her hands were behind her like some kind of tyrant watching over us lesser humans, and her expression was… Well, blank, as usual if that's how I should describe it.

Yukinoshita sighed her lungs out. Seriously, how much air did she have in there? It felt like she was preparing to give some bad news.

"I'd like to… Thank you for all your hard work with the club lately"

Eh?

"So please, accept this as compensation" she handed me a small box, no bigger than my hand but thick. It was of a rectangular form and was completely black. Needless to say, I was speechless, and gave her an inquiring look to her "Don't worry, there's no trick inside, you should open it to see yourself" her voice changed slightly, like she was demanding more than suggesting; it was a small change but I noticed.

"Eh, no… I'm good, I'll open it at ho…"

"Please open it up Hikigaya-kun" now it was an order. I flinched, seeing how I was trapped in between the back of my chair and her. How did this change from a gift giving to intimidation so fast?!

"Ok… If you insist" I tried out kidding but didn't seem to work. I sighed and took out the tape to be able to open it. I separated the two pieces and immediately felt dumbfounded.

A game of Uno.

A freaking game of Uno.

I jerked my face to her once again to see a small grin in Yukinoshita's lips.

"No." I stated and closed the small box again.

"Now, Hikigaya-kun. Don't you want to use for the first time your gift? Yuigahama will be arriving soon so…"

"No!" I stood up from my seat, making Yukinoshita step backwards to make room for my body "We already went through this! I'm not playing this. Ever. Again."

"Maybe you want to bet to spice things up?" she unhesitatingly suggested.

"Screw that" I spat.

Okay, so, if you haven't noticed by now, I'll spell it for you. I hate Uno, I know, I know, it's 'an amazing game, friendship-buster game' and stuff. But I, as a loner had never played it before last week. And as I said before, it was Zaimakuza's fault.

He had opened the door in such a way that it startled all of us. His chuuni rambling was missed due to Yukinoshita jumping in horror and shoving her newly acquired book through the closed window. Needless to say, she paid for it.

"A game of Uno?" Hayama, who was there due to him and Yuigahama having a trip with their clique, asked smoothly. He had been planning things out, but being who he is, he couldn't keep himself quiet.

"Umu" stop that "Me thinks you are worthy of playing this card game with me! And being and organization that serves up to the public, you have to agree to my demands, no?" you sound so proud of yourself that I almost forgot that you probably don't have anyone to play with you.

So, Uno being the kind of game it is, it was an immediate answer.

"Let's do it!" Yuigahama has slammed her hands on the table. She spilled her cup of tea to the floor and of course, had to clean it.

"What's this 'Uno' you speak of?" Yukinoshita had asked skeptically. Hayama has explained it to her, and, being who she is, couldn't understand why Zaimokuza wanted to play with us, and I'm too kind to tell them that he has no friends "Well, if it's playing a card game, then it's fine, we will take your request"

So the first game was set.

It was me, to my right Hayama, to his right Yukinoshita, to her right Yuigahama, to her right Zaimokuza, to his right, me.

Seven cards were given to us.

Yellow zero. Okay.

Green five. Okay.

Blue plus two. What's this?

Cancellation? Green cancellation. Again, what's this?

Some sort of reverse, a red reverse. I guess that's to change to order, right?

And two plus four.

"The rules are like, very simple" Yuigahama said once all of us had our seven cards "You have to put a card of the same number or color to progress" she took one from the deck. Red five "So, whoever starts has to put a red card, or a five of whatever color"

"What about this card?" Yukinoshita asked, showing a circle with the four colors.

"Yukinon! That's a wildcard, you shouldn't be showing it to us!" Yuigahama slammed her hands on the table, Hayama caught Yukinoshita's tea before it fell to the floor "Uh, sorry"

"And this one?" I showed my cancellation to them.

"Hikki not you too! It's a skip! Skips the next player's turn… Mouuuu, stop showing your cards already!" with her cheeks puffed, she began to explain about the special cards and how they work.

So the plus two is called 'draw two', and the plus four is called wild draw four… Okay. I'll still call them plus two/four though.

"Yui-chan, should we play with our rules?" Hayama suggested.

"But we'll be here forever…" Yui sweat dropped.

"Without the draws mixing, of course"

"What are you talking about?" Yukinoshita asked while staring at her cards.

"Oh, you see. We played this at Yumiko's place" Hayama replied.

"We played it by drawing until you get a card you can play instead of just one, and if someone used a draw two on you, you could use your own or a draw four to make the next person draw instead" Yuigahama ended.

"Hina ended up drawing 16 cards" Hayama chuckled.

"Okay, so you can use these special cards to avoid drawing yourself…" Yukinoshita stated, nodding to herself at the new piece of information.

"Draw two with draw two and draw four with draw four but yes, it makes it more interesting" Hayama smiled.

"I see…" then Yukinoshita stared at me "Hayama-kun, mind switching places?"

"I think we're good like this" I immediately countered.

After that, Zaimokuza seemed to be angry at the cards he got, but that's not important. Yuigahama started.

From red five to red eight.

Zaimokuza used a yellow eight. Okay, I think I got it.

"Yellow zero" I said as I discarded my card.

"My turn" Hayama said as he discarded the exact same card as me.

Yukinoshita discarded a yellow skip.

"Yu-Yukinon!" Yuigahama of course overreacted, which made Hayama chuckle and Yukinoshita smiled briefly.

"Your turn Hachiman" Zaimokuza said after drawing four cards and discarding a yellow one.

"Ah…" I looked at my cards, then at Zaimokuza's yellow one "I don't wanna draw though" I discarded one of the plus four, and Hayama made a sour face for a moment.

"Oh no" he said while drawing four and chuckling along Yuigahama "Color?" he asked me once he drew the cards.

We kept playing mostly in silence. Until we got to what seems to be the most interesting part of the game.

"Uno" said Yuigahama.

"Uno" said Zaimokuza.

"Uno" I said.

Three people are about to win… This game is unexpectedly fun. Since I didn't have Yukinoshita beside me, I didn't care we were incurring her rage either; for the first time I'm enjoying myself in social interaction and I will not have this moment ruined. Yuigahama has actually almost won three times, yet she had to draw due to Yukinoshita giving her plus twos every time she was winning.

Truly a friendship wrecking game.

And although Zaimokuza's original game was crappy, he kept getting special cards or the ones he needed at the moment… His luck in this thing was ridiculous.

As for me, I understood the basics and worked along them. I can't say I'm good at this, but hey, it's a very simple game.

"Yukinoshita, you got a reverse?" Hayama asked while searching through his cards.

"A green one, yes" hey, that's cheating!

"Err, I don't have a green card" Hayama chuckled awkwardly.

"It's okay, Yuigahama doesn't have red cards"

"Yukinon?! Have you been looking at my cards?!"

"Just a glance" Yukinoshita smirked.

"Okay~" after my blue six, Hayama discarded a red six. Following suit, Yukinoshita discarded a red zero.

"HA!" Yuigahama threw her green zero at the table.

"No way!" Zaimokuza yelled as Hayama laughed.

"…" and yet, Yukinoshita would not take it "I call a rematch"

Later on, I returned at 9 to my house. Komachi yelled at me, yet after I explained it to her she seemed a lot more relaxed.

"Komachi is proud of onni-chan!" she said with sparkling eyes and a pink aura around her. What a strange reaction for arriving late because of a card game.

The next day at the service club, Megumi-senpai and Isshiki were with us.

"What's going on here?" I asked when I saw them in the clubroom.

Yukinoshita made me sit down and Yuigahama showed us her own game of Uno.

At this point, I didn't mind to play. I won two times, Yuigahama two as well and a half (they considered that keeping wildcards was cheating so they kind of nullified her third win), and Zaimokuza four times. It was entertaining and we weren't working, so I wouldn't complain about it.

So we played yet again.

Green five.

Blue five.

Red seven.

Blue skip.

Wildcard.

Draw two (red). So Yukinoshita started.

Yellow skip. Yukinoshita discarded a yellow reverse.

This time around I am beside her, she sat beside me in order to screw my play.

I don't have a yellow card so I draw one and discard it.

Green reverse.

"Oh…" Yukinoshita mumbled and discarded a green plus two.

"S-Senpai!" Isshiki drew two cards.

"My turn~" Megumi-senpai discarded a green five.

"Okay!" Yuigahama discarded a blue five. Nice going Yuigahama.

I discarded my blue skip and smirked to Yukinoshita who sent a death glare to me.

Isshiki discarded a blue one.

Megumi-senpai discarded a yellow reverse and I felt my death come from my right. However we I pointed out that the colors didn't match, so she took her card to discard another. I sighed in relief but in that moment Megumi-senpai discarded a blue reverse and I began to sweat again.

I swear I heard a dark chuckle coming from beside me.

Isshiki drew like twenty cards or something and discarded a blue skip. I breathed with ease.

I discarded my wildcard and chose the red color. Yuigahama discarded a draw two.

Megumi-senpai drew two and Isshiki discarded a red nine.

"You look like you're missing cards Hikigaya-kun" Yukinoshita said as she discarded a red draw two.

"Not so fast!" I discarded my own draw two.

"Eh?!" Yuigahama had to draw four in return.

Okay, so far…

Green five.

Blue five.

Red seven.

Blue skip.

Wildcard.

Red draw two.

We were going with red and as Yukinoshita discarded a red five, I discarded my red seven.

Two cards, how exciting. The best part is coming already.

Yuigahama discarded a draw four, so did Megumi-senpai.

"What the-?!" Isshiki drew eight cards and I chuckled under my breath.

"Blue" Yukinoshita discarded a wildcard she just drew and I smirked.

"Uno" I said as I discarded my blue five.

"Hikki is gonna win!"

"Oh no~"

"Don't let senpai win!"

I came out to have fun, and I honestly feel so attacked right now.

Yuigahama discarded a red five.

Megumi-senpai discarded a reverse.

Yuigahama discarded a yellow five full of confidence.

I discarded my green give and stretched.

"Ah…. Good game guys" I relaxed myself as everyone stared me in silence.

"I HAD LIKE 190 CARDS IT'S NOT FAIR!" Isshiki threw her cards at the table.

"It's because you suck at this game" I countered smiling.

"I want a rematch!" Isshiki exclaimed while pouting. Cute.

"Indeed, I didn't get to have my revenge against Hikigaya-kun, I want a rematch as well" Yukinoshita agreed calmly. While saying something dark, she pretended that it was nothing. Scary, I bet if she were to murder someone, no one would find out it was her, even if it happened in her own house.

Later on I'd remember she lives in her apartment alone, so I discarded the thought.

But that's only part of the story; after that, we played every day without exception with our 'acquaintances'. Even Hiratsuka-sensei joined at some point and as I suspected, she is a sore loser.

So returning to present time…

"Ah, Hikki, Yokinon yahallo!" storming in, Yuigahama finally arrived at the club and I left the small box that Yukinoshita gave to me as a gift, on the table, and I was finally able to get some space from the glaring Ice Queen.

"Yuigahama, mind helping me? Yukinoshita doesn't want to let me go" at my statement, Yuigahama tilted her head in confusion.

"Nonsense" Yukinoshita protested "I was simply inviting him to play uno; now that you are here, don't you want to play as well?" she took the small box and showed Yuigahama the cards.

"Ehehehe, don't you like, want to give it a rest? We've been playing it all week…" awkwardly, Yuigahama tried to decline her friend's request. Yep, even Yuigahama doesn't want to play with Yukinoshita anymore.

The reason?

Let's go back a few days to find out.

"So, Yuigahama-san, how did your trip go?" it was after Yuigahama returned from her trip with her clique. The airheaded girl has been very excited about it, and returned equally excited, if not more than before. Her eyes had sparkles, and a pink aura was surrounding her like a background effect.

Not like I was checking on her though.

"It was great Yukinon! You should have been there!" she then begun to explain everything they did, with maximum detail in strange places and things. Yukinoshita, who was half expecting such a powerful assault, smiled awkwardly as the pink haired girl kept rambling without giving the almighty Ice Queen a chance to say a thing.

To think she was missing for just _one_ day… Scary, instant overkill; I should learn to do that, it could save me a lot of blows to my self-esteem.

Yukinoshita acknowledged her mistake, and turned to me with a mix of puppy eyes and a dictator's glare that I immediately understood with my loner skills.

Too bad woman, you got stuck in there, you come out, I don't wanna get dragged into Yuigahama's babblings, and even less when I don't understand the subject.

"So… What have you guys been doing?" oh, she finally stopped. Yukinoshita looked like she wanted to sigh in relief, but did not. I guess she didn't want to offend Yuigahama? Friendship is weird, huh.

"The day was uneventful" the Ice Queen replied.

"As usual" I added to the conversation.

"Oh no! Sorry for pushing the work on you guys…" woman, didn't we just tell you we didn't have work?

"Don't mind it, not even Isshiki came yesterday" Yukinoshita added.

Oh, I see, that's what Yuigahama interpreted as 'usual', you are so thoughtful Yuigahama-chan~

"I see… Hey! Y'know what?" the sudden rise of Yuigahama's voice startled me a little, and Yukinoshita flinched as well "Ebina-chan just bought Uno spin!" What? There are other kinds of Uno? "Maybe we should play with them today!" Yuigahama clapped her hands in excitement and ran away the moment she stopped talking.

"Wait… Yuigaha-!" Aaaand, she's gone. Yukinoshita was left half-sitting with her hand raised toward the girl who just disappeared through the door.

Slowly pulling herself back to her seat, Yukinoshita turned to send me a hesitating look. I pretended not to notice for half a second before meeting her eyes.

I'm not comfortable with that either, but if it was playing Uno… Then it shouldn't be that hard. Beside, since they would likely be talking among themselves _while_ playing, we could just pretend to too be invested in our card to participate in the conversation.

"I'll go easy on you, so don't worry" with a deadpan I assured her while returning to my light novel. I heard Yukinoshita chuckled mocking.

"Right, that's really assuring Hikiloser-kun" I moved my eyes to her position and faked a sigh; this seemed to relax Yukinoshita more and silence returned to us "Shall we prepare the table?" she asked.

"A square or circular one should do" I said while raising from my seat and moving to the desks pilled behind us. Yukinoshita nodded, and helped me pull a desk from among the others. A square one, and we moved it to the center of the club.

"Should I make some tea?"

"Pretend we don't have any"

When Yuigahama came back, Yukinoshita and I were still sitting on our respective places but we had arranged another table for us to play. As the door slid open, I felt how the peaceful silence slipped away from my hands. I think Yukinoshita felt the same because she closed her book and sighed.

"We're here!" Yuigahama said as her group of friends entered the clubroom.

"Welcome back" Yukinoshita greeted.

"Hello guys" Hayama greeted us, followed by Hina, Miura, _Tobe_ , and the two background guys whose names I still ignore.

"So….! Are we playin' or not?" Tobe asked greedily, earning a chuckle from Hayama.

"I didn't know Hikitani-kun liked Uno…" the glasses girl commented, earning other comments from her friends but I didn't say anything.

"Hikki totes likes the game! He wanted you to come!" I wasn't against it Yuigahama, don't lie.

"Let's get this over" sighing, I moved to the other table and sat down with my back toward the window. Yukinoshita chose to sit beside me.

Yuigahama stared at her for a moment, before realizing Hayama has sit down on my other side, and Miura followed him closely. Soon enough she was left on the opposite side of mine and had no other choice but sit down there.

They tried to explain us the rules, but there was no real need. Yukinoshita and I _googled_ the game before they came, so we understood the mechanics.

And I know, you are right now as "Hey, but that isn't all that bad, I thought something happened to make you hate Uno!" Well, while the game was fun, the disaster came afterward. After our fourth game… Or better said, after Yukinoshita's fourth loss.

"I… I don't understand"

"Yukinon! It's okay, this is all about luck after all!"

"Luck you say…"

And as strange as it sounds, Yuigahama is right. Due to the nature of the penalties and how one had to spin the disk to get them, one could say the game was about luck; however in Yukinoshita's case, it looked more like she didn't have any.

When she was about to win the first time, we had to give our card to the person of our left, a.k.a. I got Yukinoshita's only card, and she got Tobe's 10 cards.

The second time, she had to draw almost 8 card because she didn't have the color nor the number (Tobe has discarded a blue five). And the third and fourth time were due to giving the next person the victory just one card before saying 'Uno' herself; the first time was with Tobe, while the second she discarded a yellow cancellation, Tobe didn't get his turn, but Hina, who happened to be next to Tobe discarded a red cancellation and the game was over.

Never mind that this could have happened to anyone, but ever since the beginning, Yukinoshita seemed to feel it personal, and tried her very best to win in what's probably the only thing she isn't good at.

In other words, Yukinoshita sucks at this game, and takes personal offense on losing.

The realization that I didn't notice until now made me feel retarded.

The Ice Queen raised from her seat, probably startling everyone in the room.

"I demand to examine the game! Something must be wrong with it"

Don't be unreasonable woman, how could anyone cheat on this game? By having more cards than the others? That's exactly the opposite of the point! Beside, even if people were capable of exchanging cards without being noticed; no one is suspicious because everyone has their hands up and we can see them.

"Yukinon, what could be wrong with it…?" yeah, try to make her snap out of it Yui-chan.

"I don't know" Yukinoshita accepted. Oh, praise the- "But I'll find out, and no one is getting out of here before I figure it out"

Excuse me?

"Ummm, Yukinoshita? You can't keep us in here forever, I have to go see Komachi, you know?"

"Yeah! What is this bullcrap? It's just a game! Just chill" Miura raised from her seat protesting. The rest of the clique did similar and Hayama and Yuigahama tried to calm them down, with Yukinoshita arguing with every single each of them while snatching cards from their hands and apparently analyzing them.

As madness broke lose, I used one of my loner skills and silently grabbed my stuff, ready to go but…

"Ah! Hikitani is running away!" I heard Hina yell, making me stop in my tracks.

What?!

The next thing I knew was that I was flying around and crashed on something hard, which also broke and took me to the floor.

"Aghhh!" as my senses came back to me, I saw my hand in between other two, which belonged to a certainly pissed off Ice Queen.

" _No one_ , get away before I say so!"

Fortunately enough the hit was hard enough to make me pass out. I didn't get to witness the rest of the madness, but according to Yuigahama, the episode was, to say the least, not pleasant at all.

Next time we saw each other, I had my head and arm bandaged and Yuigahama's clique was nice enough to stay quiet about what happened in that clubroom. Yukinoshita skipped classes for two days before we saw her in the clubroom again.

She never apologized.

* * *

A/N

Hello guys, I hope you enjoyed this little piece of idea I had in my head for a few months already; I meant to publish it earlier but I couldn't bring myself to finish it...

Of course, I got this idea when one day I witnessed the train wreck that is this game and that I enjoy so much from the first time I played it. Maybe I should have gone into more detail, but having to coordinate everyone's cards and all that was more tiring than I ever expected; I think it came out smoothly though, despite everything, haha.

As I side note, I want to tell my readers that, in case you didn't know, I moved Tsugimonogatari to the crossover section, so if you didn't find it that's the reason.

Well, without anything else to say, I hope this one-shot gave you a chuckle.

Greetings~


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